I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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