I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
