people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
