I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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