fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
