Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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