a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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