so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
