Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
