"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
