She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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