He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
