you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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