Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
