If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
