Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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