just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
