Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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