youre lurking in front of me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
