So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
