Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
