I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
