The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
