do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
