And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
