ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
