She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have surprise drugs for everyone
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
