went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
