I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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