Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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