I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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