you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
