Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
birth control should be required to get into college
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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