she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
