One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The struggles of a small town man whore
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
