You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
