I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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