garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
