those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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