9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize