i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
