He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
