Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
