your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Pappa wants mamma naked
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
