Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
