I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
