So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
