I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
