Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
