I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
