kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
