apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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